Been awhile..

My life.....
Yep, pretty much sums it up.
I talked to my stake president again this morning.
After really feeling like a service mission (and keep in mind that to me a service mission is humanitarian stuff) I went to talk to him, and he said he didn't want me to turn in my papers. Well when I said a service mission he gave me 4 options.
1.DI (BLAH)
2.Family History Center (less BLAH but still blah)
3. Call center for tabernacle (BLAH)
4.Bishop storehouse (Just Blah)

I don't want to serve four hours a week, and that's it and still carry on with my life. I feel like I need to serve a greater purpose than that.  I have so much more to do than that.
He said he would look into other opportunities...but who knows how long that will take.

Then I saw my bishop. And he really feels like I need to turn in my papers and see what happens.  He was going to talk to the stake pres because I guess this guy is really cautious.

I hate that my bishop is getting one answer, the stake president is getting the opposite end of another answer, and I'm somewhere in the middle.
I'VE DONE ALL I CAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
I don't trust myself anymore.
I don't know how I'm listening to myself wrong.  I thought I know how to listen to the spirit.

EVEN AFTER ALL THIS WITH MARSHALL I'M STILL GOING BACK AND FORTH ON BEING HAPPY/SAD. WHAT THE FREAKIN CRAP IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!

I don't know.  I went to the temple prep class today and the bishop spoke on obedience.  The Lord needs to know that He can trust you, and then He will give you more opportunities or something like that. I just want to do what He would want me to do. Why does it have to be so hard to find an answer?